And finally baby,
Assessment is OVER!
im over the moon.~

i was down with a 39 degree fever last night while doing illustration.
it was terrible.
i couldn't take that gruesome torture and so i went to visit the doctor.
After medication and an hour of rest, i continue rushing from 1am -6am
and woke up at 9am.

Since 9am, the world is like crushing down on me.
I totally lost myself and i didnt even know what i was doing.
all i know is that i need to rush.
Rush for my life~
Okay,
i took cab to school because the stuff we carry to school
are like field packs that army guys carry.
OMG.
i m such a poor little girl
wearing heels and formal carrying such burdensome schoolwork.

Skip the details that i rushed here and there and couldn't settle down.

DING DONG DING~
Yanling was the 2nd to enter the assessment room.
i was worried for myself and for her.

*i was rushing my last min work, while thinking of how she is doing~

OKAY
She's out.
her face was like all torn up.
She burst out in tears and i feel soo hurt and upset.
My poor darling .
she got a tremendous insult by ALL the judges for some mistakes she made.

i Felt the most Nervous Moment of my entire life,
i wish i could die right away...
i know i have to do it & i cant escape.

Next,
another one who freaked me out.
Ashley.
Another poor thingy.
She came out crying too.


**OMG GOD please kill me~

i calmed down after some time and i told myself it is okay.
Just do my best.

blah blah blah~

IS MY TURNN!

i walk in, not feeling that scared as i thought.

Introduced myself,
and i started by saying:

The theme i have chosen is
La belle epoque (with a fake smile to the extreme, i swear!
i would have fucking punch u if i have a choice.)

( okay fuck everyone,(sorry just ****) i m not french! don't expect
excellent PRONUNCIATION from me!)

THERE THEY GO~

FUCKING LAUGH AT ME!
MOCK AT ME!!
(wasted my precious time)

THINKING I AM A RETARD CAUSE I CANT PRONOUNCE
LA BELLE EPOQUE.
i was off key.
YES I KNOW.
i didnt pronounce it in a elegant way and i dont have that FE LENCH~ ACCENT
i really pronounce close to it,but not perfect i know.
sorry bitch i am a sucker.
i should have fail my module.
omg, i shouldent even have taken this course.
NO, i am a retard,. i shouldent HAVE LIVED!

OKOK.
laugh all u want.
i continue,
(by apologizing like a dog, like what i should do~ in order to please her,)
Fine, i m a thick skinned loser~
i continued and made a mistake by showing my mindmap.
i have my own way and style in doing my work.
they dont get it.okay no, is i dont get you,
got scolded again . fine.

When i talk about the silhouette of the la belle epoque period,
I got mocked, again~
I said mutton sleeves instead of leg o mutton sleeves.
Why?
1st, i wasnt thinking right.
2nd, i was nervous,
3rd, i wrote wrongly and i read wrongly from my work.
4th, hey i m still having a fever.

So they continue laughing and yakking away about currypuffs and mutton puffs.~
i was trying to think of what to say next.*

AND DING DING DING,
first bell rang.
FUCKing shit!
so much time was wasted listening to them laughing at me.
Ok. i continue showing angelynn my work in my fastest speed and i ignored everything else.
DIng ding ding
the bell rang again.

4mins is up,
2mins wasted being mock and insult.
_______________________________________________________________

Correcting me is fine,
but laughing this way, i do not agree.

So, you think, it is really funny??
I Dont get it.
Comparing how old they are,
they think is funny to mock at a year 1 semester 1 student of 18 yrs old(or younger)
which is more than 20yrs younger than them?
You think that mocking at me makes you feel contented?
This is not the first time.

She totally forgot how she scolded me, because it is a daily routine for her.
How she said i m retarded cause i took the lift instead of using the stairs when i m carrying so much stuff. yea,
i wont forget that,
n i will never forget you.

So, she said i m rude, and thinks she is polite?
**** you ******
___________________________________________________________

Okay, when u say, the world is cruel,
the reality of the society is cruel,
what about you.
u say i am rude,
what about u .
u are a disrespectful person,
i have to say that.
TOTALLY*
and i dont think i am rude at all.
It is because,
everyone in the world have negative thinking,

You think the society is bad,
You tell your kids the people outside are out to get you.
The teachers use lame excuses to pick on you by pretending to train you.
And so,
the parents told the kid,
the kid have that thinking,
the teachers pick on the kids.
the kids get it.
the kids grow up.
They pick on others.
Others felt it.
They learn it.
they pick on others.
Everyone became rude.
everyone became evil.
NO one is kind anymore.
No one is willing to be kind anymore.
STOP YOUR EXCUSES
why cant people be nice?

why cant u just give encouragement.
are u telling me, EVERYONE ON EARTH IS A BADASS?
IF 10% of the people on earth is nice and polite.
it is convincing enough for u to learn to be kind.

Yea,
still
nobody does.
They will tell you again
Hey the reality is cruel.
and so your boss have the same thought again.
he or she pick on you,
you feel hurt and angry,
you pick on others too,
and they start picking on others.

FK YOU PEOPLE.
people who complain this way are the way they are themselves~
and they are the bad one themselves



My final illustration,
i know is ugly~

i got up early feeling so blank and empty.
holiday is nearing,
will it be another empty period?
i sat on the couch
on the telephone with kaiwei
As i look out the window,
it is drizzling but the sun is warm.
the sun shines on me, making me feel so irritated.
yet i feel so cold and yea. rheumatism is relapsing again
i hate this feeling.

sucky weather right now, just like my feelings.
i am blasting music,
yet jo is sleeping like a pig.
i m soo bored that i have to disturb him.
i tried to wake him up. i got scolded instead.
fine. i m going out
and have some sweet treats again.
or maybe i shoulden eat at all.
i m fucking fat~'
n is adding on to my misery.
i m soo young.
in my youth,
why cant i jus maintain my figure?
AH
fuck the world.
i wish i died last night.
But no, i lived.
it's the continuation of hope.
and to reminisce the past.
thats the life cycle i suppose.
this could be sweet
this could be bitter.
u judge it.
no i judged it.
Is crazy..

Today, after presentation,
we went for RAMEN again.
back to school to do some stuff and we went home.
I didnt go to work today.
and right now. 9.26pm i m damm tired.

Too tired to think.
Too tired to write
Too tired to get upset
Although i m still upset.

Aion is your life.
Yea, being a GF, and an understanding partner,
I "shouldn't" stop you.. well
is okay.
Darling i am not gonna stop you
Darling joseph... why should i ? when i love you so much right.
not gonna stress you anymore..
Not gonna be unreasonable i swear.
U dont have to choose btw your friends and me.
And tell u a secret.
i am closer to your friends than you thought.
So, the thing is.. u dont even get it what i am unhappy about.
So what exactly am i unhappy about??
i cant explain..
Take it that i am unreasonable,
i am the one at fault.
Those wonderful times we had.
i will keep them in my heart.
like a lover lost again.
i am going to leave you..
and i have my final say.
since i am soo unhappy.
if you would still notice now..
there might be a slight chance to hold on to this relationship.
i tried to change the situation.
but i still see everything back to the same point.
i think. i gave up.
u know, countless time i wanted to leave you.
but i couldent bear to cause i love you.
yes i developed love for you.
But the depleted.
i still love you,
but there are nth else left...
i am sure.
Another girl can capture your heart better than i do.
u said u love me.
sorry..
i dont believe.
Convince me?
you wont i know.
LOVE doesnt come by,by just saying
i love you i love you.
sorry. it doesnt work this way..
21days from now............



baby i am still counting....

FRIDAY- Jaslin's bday celebration

It was a great night but music was terrible.
worst than anything on earth.




SAT-Ric's bday celebration

Unhappy night.
sorry to make Ric unhappy.
yea, truely sorry.








I..
Am..........
Doubting your love.
doubting the trust.
doubting the feelings..

Maybe, i should leave u alone .


i am really feeling so unhappy.
but i cant reveal it.
because. my unhappiness would b judged as
unreasonable
by everyone.
my unhappiness upsets everyone.
FINE, i will swallow it all.

but do people realise.
i get upset for a reason
i cry for a reason.
i said sth, i ask sth, for a reason.

U think i m a nuisance.
Everyone feel that i AM A NUISANCE.

FUCK EVERYONE !
FUCK YOU.
FUCK FUCK FUCK
I DONT NEED YOU.
I DONT NEED PPL WHO THINK I AM A NUISANCE.

I DONT NEED U JOSEPH LIM DIAN NING.
IF U THINK I M A NUISANCE.


From now onwards,
i speak with actions.
AND YOU DONT ASK ME WHY ANYMORE.,
IF U DONT UNDERSTAND.
THATS YOUR PROBLEM..................
....................
...................
WHY???
why shanny?
why do u even bother to sound out you unhappiness?
why do u bother to explain?
no body will get you.
nobody understand.

okok.
dont explain already....
fine.
forget it.
close your eyes,.
i dont care if u kill me now.
i dont care abt anything else.

u are born alone.
u settle it yourself.
simple.
thats the end of the story.
quit searching for explanations
GOD IS NOT GONNA HELP U!
GOD DONT WANNA TELL U THE TRUTH
FUCK GOD,

Finally, a weekend off work.,
nothing else except for a break
And
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAISY.
LOVE YA!

We celebrated maisy bday at st james again.
wanzi, noelle, kaiwei, kat, pris, maisy, shanny.
Ivan, clement, weijie, smarties, Qiyi.










The whole night was fucking hilarious.
we opened vodka.
2 of the girls puke on the staircase.
Pris bloody hell slept in the cubicle for 1 hour in the club!
fucking hard to DRAG her out.
the story was like......
Initially i was in the ladies with them and i left after pris refused to get up.
i went back 1 hour later and she was still sleeping.
there, the funny wanzi, or i shall say silly wanzi who was
starring at her sleeping -_-'''
Smarties is another drunk shit.
kissing with everyone and laughing away.
hahaha

i went over to look for jaslin,
drinking at their table , talking nonsense.
and justin took care of me as usual.
i remember some part of the time.
i was with cliffy then.
talking nonsense too.

The whole PODIUM.
ranging from the first to the last to the dance floor,
was freaking hell all Yuying students.
our group and Zhenling;s group. i think. almost 20-30 people.
it was fun and funny of course.
I took the 1/4 leftover of the vodka bottle to the dance floor. since
everyone was scattered and nobody is sober enough to be at the table.
so i brought over and we all drank from the bottle.
Of course we finished in a split second. and i rolled the bottle underneath the podium.
OOPSY.
i got "scolded" by the bouncer again. from brining my bottle to the podium.
i fking hell cannot stand ph bouncer.
some are quite pathetic and cocky,

while i wanted to save my friend inside the club and i was outside.
the bouncer which i was in the queue told me:
u are drunk and u shouldent go in( not politely)
well, jade said.
he must well close down the whole club. since drunkards cant be in
ST JAMES
WTF.
KNN
CCB
NB
FN ( fking noob)


Nb
CB

well.......
finally i m gg to bed soon .
and i did nth today.

Recovering from the intoxication and im still
partially deranged for some reason.
well life goes on.

2more lines to add before i m off.

1. Name me one school in singapore that doesnt have a canteen at all.
And thats NAFA.
every polytechnics and ITEs and SEC sch n Private Sch
would have at least a canteen and bookshop.

NAFA= doesnt have a single SHIT at all...
The Facilities totally S till the core....
thats final.

2. I found a new goal in life and that is to fuck u bitches.

YEA MAN

SO. it has been a long time and yea, i just came back home from work.
what the hell is wrong with jo's computer.
Freaking error for every pages. and it is twice slower than usual.
DAMM THING!.

Today at work
There was this adorable girl patient probably 5years old?? in the clinic just now.
She cant stop smiling and she looks so sweet that i cant stop looking at her!
omg. she is the sweetest thing that made my day! AWWW .
she reminds me of a world with love and full of bunnies.
Hey, sorry eh. your life is fuck up now.
Well.
and today,
DR lim tease me again,
He said: hey erica, u look like Ris LOW.
i was like HUH!!!?????
He said: u know, yea that ris low with that leopard PREEN
.LOL!
im nth like her man.
NO WAY!
and he was telling the kid. do u like leopard PREEN?
LOL~
dr lim always have funny thoughts!

Okay now back to reality.
FUK FUK FUK.

i have soo many things to do!!!!!!!!!
CEE BEE CEE BEE CEE BEE!
CB!

1. 54 garment designs to go.
2. 150 pages of research journal to complete.
3. Fashion forecast on tweens project.
4. Yarns presentation.
5. Fashion details test coming.
6. Marketing some business thingy presentation ????? EH??
7. Unfinished sewing that adds on every single week!! FUK!


DAMMMMMM MEEE!
anyway anway,

I love my research journal book cause i love the good quality printings.
YEA MAN!
i think i can do better than that.
SIGH.
i got grade D
for fashion details again!!!!!
WTF??

he didnt even point out any mistakes.
i seriously dont understand how he grade things.
i wish i could understand.
im sooo damm sad.!
FUCK my life.


Those times where i spent reading my favourite books,
reading astrology,
reading history,
Watching disney channel,
Practising baking at home,
Pratising cooking,
Playing piano,
Playing guitar,
Playing all sorts of RPG cause i love it.,
chiling with friends.
Sleeping after school,
Falling asleep without worries.
Clubbing every single week like nth else matters.

EVERYTHING IS NOW GONE!!!
life is now everything about FASHION.
sometimes i get freaked out when i see runways and magazines!
it gives me nightmare!
DAMM DAMM DAMM
and im soooo tired.
cant believe i spent whole day doing school work without even 5mins of break,


One good thing is.
i think my mummy and daddy is gonna buy me a mini laptop!
WOOOOSSS!
i think.... i had never in my life pester them for anything,.
except for all these stupid sch fees.
i only ask daddy to buy me a phone when it spoilt and finally lost it.
he didnt anyway. and i didnt there to ask him again.
heeeeee. i hope they will buy for me.
i really appreciate it if they do. =)
but i had a bad feeling im not gonna get it.
sigh =(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DADDY17/9
and brother18/9~

sorry eh. there was no cake . haha.
i rushed back home after pattern making in school
(cant believe i stood there and drew for 6hours striaght) and
met my family members for dinner,
We had steamboat and dishes and crab for ard $100.
there were dad, sister, me, brother, bro's gf.
bro is unthoughtful like always.
ordering whatever he likes and will never spare a thought for others.
im irritated by his actions.
THATS WHY.
i hate my family's and relative s's behavior and thinking.
They are a bunch of people i will never wanna be like.


As for daddy,i can see how hard he tried to keep peace in the family,
He is always 100% thoughtful and caring and put us above him.
HE IS MY NUMBER ONE HERO!

im trying hard to meet mum's expectation, but seriously.
she doesn't make much sense into anything.
and she is living in her own world with her own mindset.
AND, i cant be bothered much. =)

AFTER DINNER
Daddy and i went to COURTS because he wanna get a new sewing machine .
The previous one , the old type singer sewing machine has officially broken down
after 20 years.
Daddy told me that is mum's wedding dowry .
In Chinese tradition, u have to buy a sewing machine when u get married
to put in the house??? ????
i have never head of that seriously.
it;s pretty weird isn't it.?

Well, we decided to get it on saturday instead,
now, daddy saw this bluetooth device set that he wanted,
$40.
hesitating to buy
( he hardly buy things for himself
because he rather spend on the family or me)
So i thought i could buy that for him as a bday present.
He was like REJECTING me saying:
''dont want la. u wont have enough $$$ to spend you know.
where does your $$$ come from?'',
WITH
a very sad look that he cant bear to let me spend $ to buy things for him.
i feel so upset yet sweet at that moment.
Daddy put his hands over my shoulders,
i can feel that he is really happy and he loves me so much.
and OF COURSE
i force to buy. i said it is okay and it is not all the time that i buy things for him.
and i have save up a little recently.
so daddy finally agreed and he stood there
choosing the set that he want ..
LIKE A SMALL KID!
hhahahaha. sooo funny.
he couldn't decide which is better and i gave him some advices.
so we bought it finally and im really happy.
i know he is happy too=)

What does $40 mean to me?
- to not take cab for a few times
- to not buy clothes for awhile
- to skip a few meals
-to not buy snacks all the time.
= $40 saved.

Well, i think it is acceptable and for daddy's bday, why shouldnt i ?
If his life is in danger, i would give up my life to exchange for him,
i think $40 is nth la . haha.

My daddy doesnt talk much.
but we have a powerful mind communication.
and i just know how much he loves me .
he will be my motivation in life like always.


(taken in feb 09)

I was testing my editing skills and tada! came out with this . but i dont think it is nice at all.
Sigh. at least, i have wings huh.
if only i could fly. well if im in the suikoden world. LOL.

This wonderful song i have in my blog now.
it is actually an english song sang by a japanese.
it sounds funny but i still love all the songs so much.
Yes it is suikoden again. ^ ^
can u believe there are such wonderful music on earth?
This is a game where their Songs n Stories touches people's heart.
Whenever im feeling down, Suikoden remind me
of how i should cherish life and live happily.
At least this is a happier song.
Some songs from suikoden are really nice but it makes me cry ='(
How many songs (+diff version) do they have in total?
more than 400 i guess.
i only downloaded 5 album. abt 150 songs.
i still have alot more to go.
I want to collect all the wonderful music they have.
NO im NOT CRAZY!
LOL

This is such a soothing piece.

Title: Dancing Girl
Jap Title: Kaze to Daichi
Album: Suikoden Vocal Vol 1
Sang by:Tomoko Kawase
Composition:Miki Higashino

i have a message for you
I hope you feel it in your heart
I have been waiting for you
Waiting for you for a long time

There's only one chance to give this to you
Dancing and praying for your destiny
To prove you were here, you were really here
Dancing and watching until the end

Having a break for a little while
'Great courage'
Take a rest and hear your soul
If one asks you the meaning of life
You may be lost in the maze of destiny

You need to believe in your fate
And most of all yourself, believe in yourself
Please don't forget flowers in your heart
Don't let it go, don't ever let it go

So this message is given to you
I hope you hear in it your heart
It is meant to shine your future
Engrave this message in your heart

how sweet it is huh?
Perfecto!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to TODAY (MONDAY)

MY NAME 雁
i found out that my chinese character YAN, is from this bird called
Drake Mallard.
i knew the whole story but i couldn't find this bird 's actual name in english.
i only know it is a green head bird or something.
i told many before but no one understand!
So yea, finally i found the name and i will remembered well
alright, i m named after this Drake Mallard.
It is a migratory bird tat battles against strong winds n storms.
It can fly very well and it's a strong swimmer.
there i go again, i told daddy :
I cant fly nor swim -_-'''. for years alr.
do u think it is cute?
i find it cute though.


and another cuter thing!
This is call the Tufted Titmouse.
i think i spelled it right.
i donno what does this fellow do but it is damm cute.
im so in love with it.
i found out about this by accident anyway.
it resemble cute fat bunnies and hamster.
They should all be protected, and KISS MADLY!!
OMG.! cant stand the sight of cute animals.
SImply ADORABLE!!
(i laugh for quite awhile when i saw this pic.)

MY BOYFRIEND
Anyway, jo did a portrait of me. is AWESOMELY BEAUTIFUL!
I will upload it tomorrow or something =)
We have been together for half a year. time really flies.
He have been great.
We never had quarrels or unhappiness.
he is very thoughtful and gave me more than i ever asked.
Every time i feel upset, troubled or hungry, he solved it all for me.
Every time i say i m hungry, he offer to cook something for me.
Whatever it is.
whether im happy. sad. feel like clubbing and drinking. dont wanna do anything.
wanna sleep badly. Having too much work to do. playing games.
watching cartoons, doing nth,
His response is always positive
towards anything.
i feel very easy and relieve all the time.
and yea,
maybe that's how relationship should be.
easy and relaxing.

i can never stop having nightmares and weird dreams.
i always woke up getting frightened~~~
And right away, i feel very grateful for the situation i was in at that moment,

peaceful and good,
not like what happened in the dreams.
and u know what.
i had these dreams every night or every single time i sleep .
i dont know why.

anyway,
i havent start doing any homework.
immm sooo dead.
it has been a week.
how can i ever let myself to take a break.
thats so not right.
hmmm
my body is feeling kindda weird.
inside out outside in.
whats happening to me??
am i evolving into something else.
hahahah

im off to play my game again at 3.40am.
WEE
LOVE SUIKODEN FOREVER
actually,i learnt so much from games and cartoons.
they really brought differences into my life.
well, we all learn something from what ever we do.
bad or good.
tedious or fun.
u can never stop learning in life.
and u learn something new everyday!

so what have i learn today?
i learnt that, Clubbing is not just a one night thing.
Because i slept the whole day,!!
lets do some calculations.
like u get prepared and head down to club u take about 4-5 hours,
club for 6hours,
you puke and u get all drunk and finally u get home.
how about including them all for a night, u club, u puke , u supper, u travel home.
about 8hours then.
u sleep for 10-12 hours or more
u woke up stoning for 2 hours or going back to sleep
because u are having a bad hangover.
lets give an estimation for the total hours spent.
26hours.?
i dont know.
but one thing i know.
i always end up wasting the whole of the next day .
because of the partying the previous night.
tell me it is worth the time??
HELLA YES MAN!
PARTYING is good.
LOL


pS: i wanan pee badly now but im in the dark.
im sooo not going anywhere else except staying infront of the computer.

Wed night,
Dumped Bf alone at home and head out to club! WEE
bf was nice,
i said i was hungry,
and he offered to make dinner for me immediately.
while i was doing my make up,
i told him i wanted some liquor,
Right away he poured some cordon blue for me,
went ard looking for mixer in the house.
and then, TADAAA your drink baby,
A very encouraging bf as u can see .LOL ^ ^
Before i left, i almost forgot my lipgloss(which i didnt use anyway)
I said something like.
i need my sexy glossy lips to get
attention ya know .of course i was joking.
and he replied: Noooo, what if u kiss with someone else?
Me: like who??
Bf: Like girls? i dont know. o.0. haha.
Me: what if i kiss with some other guys instead XD??
Bf: LOl hurry up and leave and please lock the door.byebye.
(While he continue playing his game...)
i was like -_-'''' ..... ....?
hahahaha.
how silly.

Anyway. i waited so long for My blur QUEEN.!
she was getting on my nerves and i wanted to strangle her.
when she arrived, the queue for us is getting shorter but it was
extremely packed outside.
We got in, and had a great time,
didnt manage to buy drinks because the queue was way too long.
i dont wanna go club queuing for few hours just to get a drink.
it would ruin my mood.
Some guys treat us drinks anyway.
Friends of friends. or strangers whatever.
Whats horrible is..
It is full of desperate guys in there.
** shake head..
sorry im not talking abt this guy .lol he is with us.
Bad photo


Love my yanling. who e hell is that guy popping out in our photo?






We went to boat quay for supper afterward
and yanling was crazy.
She told the server that she wants EXTRA
SPICY NOODLE.!
and there goes her throat.
it was nice though but i never tasted anything sooooo spicy before.
yea she was drunk and she thought that she wont be able to taste anything.
she was WRONG! hahaha.

so yea i had a great time with all my girls and
the guys! LOL.
Eve was missing for the whole night anyway.
haha ^ ^

2 weeks of tutorial break = homework x 10
how cool is that.
today is a fine wednesday with a sweltering weather.
there i am , laying comfortably on the bed starring at the psp
24/7 getting emotional and all.
Im almost 50% into the suikoden world once again.

Getting sooo sick of this game that i played and completed almost 30 times since 10 years ago?
But still, i cannot stop playing.
Because Suikoden is part of my life.
is like a lover, a family.
though not much people in singapore might even heard of this game.
if u hate this game, u are an idiot.
The game consist of the greatest
war stories, friendship,kinship and relationships.
i love it since the day i held the controller playing on the ps1
how i wish i can get suck into the psp and leave this world.
and fight in the liberation army with all my fav characters
WEEEEEEEEEE.
yes i dream about it all the time, for years.
and it has never been off my mind for my entire life.
n if i could marry all the guys in suikoden . omg.
they are soo cool with all the powers they have.
WEEEEEEE.

Back to reality.
Ok B.
u have so much work to do .
and u are getting into a deep deep trouble.

Some random photos
Yanling's mini acer lappy webcam.
the face like distorted huh.

And Last saturday outing. weee.

Jo, Ric and Denise
acc me to go buy fabric.
i had a hard time choosing but still,
quite satisfied with what i got.
They waited so long for me.
Then, it was dinner at a chinese restaurant with the guys
then singing session,.

Jo's Hat
lol



Meeting Yanling and EVE later.
WEEEE